


Secrets

by Blink_Blue



Series: S4 Fics [5]
Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Coda, Episode Related, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 10:10:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12651468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blink_Blue/pseuds/Blink_Blue
Summary: Oliver nearly jumps out of his seat when the front door opens. He turns towards the sound. An hour anxiously waiting for the other man must have gotten to him. After the nerve-wracking evening Michaela dragged him through, the last thing he’d expected to come home to was an empty apartment. And now, Connor not meeting his eye as he enters doesn’t make him feel any better.“Hey,” Oliver greets hesitantly. He nervously rubs his sweaty palms on his pants, then settles for wringing his hands together instead. “Where were you?”“I was out,” Connor mutters under his breath as he tosses his jacket onto the couch.A Coliver 4.05 Coda.





	Secrets

Oliver nearly jumps out of his seat when the front door opens. He turns towards the sound. An hour anxiously waiting for the other man must have gotten to him. After the nerve-wracking evening Michaela dragged him through, the last thing he’d expected to come home to was an empty apartment. And now, Connor not meeting his eye as he enters doesn’t make him feel any better.

“Hey,” Oliver greets hesitantly. He nervously rubs his sweaty palms on his pants, then settles for wringing his hands together instead. “Where were you?”

“I was out,” Connor mutters under his breath as he tosses his jacket onto the couch.

Oliver shuffles on his feet as he watches him. His nerves are still a mess after their close call on Tegan’s computer. Sitting through drinks with Simon didn’t help. And now he can’t shake the feeling that Connor is pissed. Or maybe the other man knows something is up, despite all reason that tells him Connor should be in the dark. Just like Stanford. More likely, it’s just his own feelings of fear and paranoia that gnaw painfully in his gut.

“Out,” Oliver echoes softly.

“Not all of us have jobs to be hard at work for, so…” Connor shrugs lightly and looks at anything but Oliver.

“I saw your leftovers in the fridge.” Oliver tries another tactic and nods guiltily towards the kitchen. “I’m sorry I missed it.”

“Thank god for microwaves,” Connor says with a wry grin. He moves towards the bedroom but Oliver hastily steps into his path.

“You’re mad at me,” Oliver says quickly. This much is clear. But if it’s the job argument again, at least it’s one he’s familiar with.

Connor sighs and looks away. “No, I’m not mad at you.”

“It really seems like you are.”

“I’m not.”

Oliver groans and raises his arms helplessly. “Is it because I missed dinner? I’m sorry, it’s a new job and I’m trying really hard-”

“No, Oliver-”

“You can barely look at me!” Oliver all but shouts.

They both take a breath. “I’m not mad at you,” Connor eventually insists. “It’s just one dinner, Ollie.”

But the frustration must be getting to him. Or the panic is catching up. Maybe it’s residual aftershocks from Wes’s death that are still unburied. It all boils over inside him and Oliver suddenly thinks maybe Connor should be mad. Or angry. Or show some emotion on a daily basis that’s not ‘horny’.

“Maybe I’m mad at me!”

Connor freezes and looks at him in confusion. “What?”

Oliver sighs and closes his eyes. This had always been where they struggle most. Most days, he can’t shake the feeling that their relationship is going around in circles. “I don’t like this,” he finally says.

Mild panic builds in Connor’s eyes, along with his confusion. “What are you talking about?”

Oliver gnaws his bottom lip between his teeth before he answers. “This. Us.” He gestures between them. “I feel like… I just feel like we’re not okay.”

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Connor tries to ask casually. Except that his voice wavers and it doesn’t go unnoticed by either of them.

“It feels like we’re not being honest with each other,” Oliver says softly. He guilt churns in his gut and he knows it’s the hypocrisy speaking to him. “It sucks.”

Connor drops his gaze. “I…” Something stops him and his voice trails off.

“I hate keeping secrets from you,” Oliver whispers.

He said too much. Connor looks up with suspicion in his eyes. “What the hell are you keeping from me?”

“No, that’s… that’s not what I meant,” Oliver quickly backtracks, shaking his head. He struggles to verbalize his feelings without spilling the fact that he might have gotten himself deep in some dangerous shit. “I hate this thing where we never talk to each other. I mean, the sex is good. It’s  _so_ good. But… it feels like we never talk about anything real! And I’m suddenly realizing that you never tell me anything about yourself! I’ve known you for so long and you never even told me the story of how you came out! You never told me about your dad! I… I barely know anything about you!”

Oliver sighs when Connor can only wordlessly stare at him. “That’s not who I am,” he continues softly. “I don’t like keeping secrets. Especially from people I love. And I love you so much. I thought it would get better after… you know…” He doesn’t mention Wes’s name. But he knows Connor gets it. “It just… it feels like we’re going in circles sometimes. Like it’s just more of the same.”

Connor visibly struggles to digest his words. His shoulders sag and Oliver can’t help but notice how exhausted he looks.

“I love you, too,” Connor manages. A moment of silence passes between them before he speaks again. “I… I went to Annalise’s tonight.”

That’s the last thing Oliver expected to hear. “You what? Why would you do that?”

“Yeah, I just… felt like I needed to get some stuff off my chest.”

“What happened?” Oliver asks softly. His curiosity is a welcome distraction from his own chaos.

“Nothing.” Connor takes a slow breath and shrugs. “We just talked. Nothing happened.”

Oliver furrows his brows. He doesn’t buy that for a second. Because it doesn’t make any sense. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

“Not really,” Connor admits. “Nothing happened, Ollie. I wasn’t feeling great, so I just…”

“So you just go to the woman who you constantly claim ruined your life?” Oliver abruptly interrupts. “I thought she’d be the last person you’d want to see!”

Connor gives their coffee table a frustrated glare. “Maybe I just needed to vent.”

Oliver gapes. “So why can’t you vent to me?!”

And ain’t that the crux of their problems.

“I’m here, aren’t I?” Oliver demands. “Isn’t that what couples are supposed to do? Talk about what’s bothering us? So why can’t you vent to me?”

Connor doesn’t have an answer for him. Because this is what they do. They only acknowledge the good things, and none of the bad.

“I get it.”

Connor looks up.

“I get it, Connor. I get why you feel like you can’t tell me things. Maybe before… it was because you wanted to protect me. And now… I think it might be because you’re afraid you might scare me off. I hate the secrets…  but I get why you have them.”

Connor stares at him. “What’s going on, Ollie?” He asks, a hint of something hard and steely in his voice.

A shiver runs down Oliver’s spine. “What?”

“What’s going on with you?”

“I-nothing. Nothing’s going on-”

“Something’s bothering you.”

“No, I’m just… I’m just tired, that’s all.” Oliver chuckles softly and shakes his head. “I had a long day and I miss you. Work was bad and I’m having trouble adjusting to the new schedule… I’m sorry, I came home and you weren’t here and it just got to my head, that’s all. I’m fine,” he insists.

“You don’t seem fine,” Connor mutters. “And I know what  _not_ fine looks like. Is there something you want to tell me?”

Oliver hesitates just long enough to confirm Connor’s concern before he laughs it off.

“Any word on the hot neighbor?” Oliver changes the subject as casually as he can. “I can only assume HumpR panned out for you.”

Connor swallows and drops his gaze. “Nah. Dude’s not gay. Either that or he’s just not interested.”

Oliver rolls his eyes and takes a step closer. “He’s seen you, right?” He laughs and takes Connor’s hands in his own. “You’d turn any straight guy bi.”

“Not anymore,” Connor murmurs. He leans forward and presses their lips together softly. “I deleted the app.”

Oliver raises his eyebrows. “You did? I thought you were in it for the eye candy.”

Connor shakes his head and forces a wry grin. “I’ve got all the eye candy I want right here.”

Oliver’s whole body shakes as he laughs, and he wraps his arms tighter around the other man, pulling him close.

“You want to heat up some leftovers?” Connor asks softly.

Oliver grins and nods, their earlier conversation already forgotten.

“Yeah. I’d love to.”

**Author's Note:**

> [x](http://winters-blue-children.tumblr.com)


End file.
